Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The Traveling Red Dress and The Bloggess

Near two year ago I learned about The Bloggess through a former co-worker who posted on Facebook a link to a post on http://thebloggess.com about Beyoncé, an enormous metal rooster, that I still call a chicken because that is what she called it on her blog.

And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles.

I immediately wished I could be so bold as to buy an enormous metal chicken of my own and set it in the yard because I know it would make me giggle like a five year old every time I saw it if I had one.  But I am not a bold person outwardly.  I feel bold and daring, and I keep telling my husband that if I had the body for it I would live in bikinis all year long, even though I know that isn't true because I once did have the body for it.  While I would occasionally strut around the house in this amazing silver metallic looking one piece that criss crossed to cover only the needed parts, and pleather thigh high stilettos like I was some bad-ass chick in a Sci-Fi movie, because I have always wanted to be the chick that could beat up the bad guy, but know I would never actually be, if there was any chance someone would see me in that, even my husband, I would immediately change in to something more sensible.  I really miss that swim suit and wish it still fit, or that I at least still had it, because it was awesome and made me feel so incredibly bold and daring.

At the beginning of 2012 The Bloggess posted about The Traveling Red Dress, with a link to the original post about it as well, so I read them in the correct order which I will link here.

The Traveling Red Dress

The traveling red dress revisited

I cried reading these posts and wishing I could be that bold, and that awesome.  My husband had already gotten me the on clearance holiday gift set makeup after Christmas just the month before and that is when I started to try and see if I could use the makeup to help me feel more bold and daring in real life and not just in my head.  The makeup was already helping me to feel less bored because I was able to kill an entire day just looking at eye shadow, and at the time there weren't that many of them, but considering that since then I have spent six hours staring at 10 bottles of nail polish while waiting in the back office of my husband's work so we could go to a doctors appointment that day, 15 eye shadows, 15 lip glosses, and 4 blushes (which is the contents of the first kit I received) was more than enough to cover my husband's entire work day keep my throughly entertained. 

I decided to try and use the black eye shadow in the kit.  Prior to these posts the only eye shadow colors I would actually wear were all from the brown family, and generally only the lighter ones, because brown is safe, and light brown that barely registers as darker than your skin tone is even safer.  It worked, it was messy and didn't even look particularly good, but I smudged that black eye shadow all over my lid, sat on the floor in the bathroom in front of the full length mirror and had a massive laugh at myself.  I then slathered on the red lip gloss and laughed even harder.

I found my makeup brushes from the first time I had been in to using makeup and started to practice, using the Kevyn Aucion books to help me figure out how to apply these colors that I would have never felt bold enough to wear before.  I've always loved his philosophy when it comes to makeup, "there are no rules, when it comes to makeup" and I have always lived by the philosophy that so long as you like the way the makeup looks, then it is all good.

My husband slowly started expanding my collection getting as many colorful and bright eyeshadow palettes as he could find so that I would always have something interesting to look at and that is one of the many reasons I love him, because he understands how much makeup is helping me, and is more effective than any medicine I have tried and with no side-effects.

I have slowly learned over time what kinds of makeup makes me feel bold and daring, the way I would like to be.  Red seems to be the color of choice for the nails, I always feel incredibly bold wearing red nail polish, and I feel okay wearing it out of the house.  And while no one at the grocery store realizes it when they see me, I feel like I am strutting in that bikini looking like a million bucks when I wear it out of the house, even though really I am sitting in a wheel chair, over weight, and with a buzzed hair cut because if my hair is more than half an inch in length my scalp hurts so much I can't lay my head down on the pillow to sleep.  I also love a red lip and would wear that every day if I could build up the courage to.  I still am not quite so daring as to wear red lipstick out of the house, but I have managed some non-brown eye shadow choices, although I haven't yet gotten to a truly dark smokey eye.

So for me, makeup is my red dress.  The Bloggess has said it didn't have to be an actual red dress, "The traveling red dress isn’t always red.  It isn’t even always a dress.  It’s anything you’ve always wanted but denied yourself because you thought it was too silly.  It isn’t.  Joy is always worth it."

The Bloggess is very right and I will always be thankful to her for helping me to find that which makes me feel bolder and more daring even though I am very far away physically from were I once was when I would strut around in that silver swim suit.