Monday, June 30, 2014

Keep in Mind: June 2014

The month of June saw a massive decline in health for me, to the point where my health problems became visible not just in my need to use a wheelchair outside of the house, but also in my physical appearance and written all over my face. I first developed dark circles under my eyes that were significantly darker than I have ever had to deal with even when not sleeping. Then they turned blue to the point that it looked like I had been punched in the face. I also had bruising elsewhere and no cause for the bruises to be appearing, it was all related to my digestive tract no longer being able to absorb nutrition from my food. We have made changing to my food and the way I am having it so that it is easier for my body to absorb and it seems to be helping, but it will be a while before we will know how much.

During this month I have also been using makeup to help distract me from just how far down I was falling health wise. I applied it to my face, when I couldn’t do that I swatched it on my arms or I rearranged it, and when I couldn’t do that I just stared at it. But this month was one where makeup played a bigger roll in giving me something to do throughout the day because most of the time, I could do nothing else other than that.

Of all of the days that I used makeup on my face this month, I had three where I really liked how it looked and one day where I thought I looked absolutely fabulous even though I felt horrible. That one day, while physically unable to do much of anything, I could not stop smiling about how great the makeup had turned out and how wonderful that was making me feel emotionally.

This one day specifically and this month in general reminded me just how important makeup is to my emotional wellbeing, not because I think it makes me look better. I don’t wear it to hide from others how my health is doing (well, I wear it to keep my parents from worrying too much about me but that is only one time a week). I don’t wear it because it is expected, my husband could not care less whether or not I actually used any of the makeup I have, he just knows it makes me smile when I look at it and when I use it so that is why he keeps buying it for me.

So this month there is not a specific product that I want to remember to use or not use. I just want to remind myself to use the makeup as much as I possibly can because it really does work as a therapy for me to help me get through the pain and the frustration that goes along with having an illness.

When I am looking at the makeup, rearranging the makeup, picking out makeup to apply, and applying the makeup, I am not thinking about the pain I am in. I am not thinking about the things I would rather be doing. I am just thinking about the makeup and how pretty it is, and how I can use it, and what all I can do with it. And that makes it a very important thing for me to have.